With!

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6

New King James Version (NKJV)

I am always amazed as I read God’s Word how the level of understanding during one season of life becomes enlarged by the Holy Spirit in another season.  Suddenly new revelation lights the path more clearly.

During recent stressful events in my life, the Lord reminded me about Philippians 4:6.  As I reread this passage the Holy Spirit gave me a new understanding and stabilized my heart with His peace.

I know if I take the time to share this new insight it will be better defined within me. This definitely isn’t the whole picture about prayer by any means. It is a simple but important lesson I learned in the life school of prayer.  But first, I have to backtrack. Years ago, I looked at prayer as an itemized check list. I relied on a list of prayer concerns, and prayed through those lists faithfully. Prayer was stylistic and the approach to God was ritualistic.  I grew up learning about the ACTS way to pray. This formula encouraged a diversity of purpose when praying to God, making sure that focus wasn’t just on petitioning or supplication, but also covering all the other areas as well. Indeed, we do need to include worship, confession, thanksgiving and petition in prayers on a regular basis. This is the formula:

• A = adoration
• C= confession
• T= thanksgiving
• S= supplication

Over time, as my needs became greater and formulas failed to work, I was pressed to seek the Lord more diligently through prayer. He encouraged me to speak to Him with spontaneity and honesty. I learned to run to Him as soon as I realized I’d chosen the wrong way, seeking His forgiveness and mercy; I began depending on Him when I had a need; He helped me appreciate being still before Him as I enjoyed His presence; the encounters with Him led me to rejoice with praise, and to worship Him for who He is and what He does. He showed me how to reach past myself with intercessory prayer for His Kingdom, His glory and for others.  New lessons about learning to hear Him are ever enlightening my heart. Yet, I was still missing an important concept about effectual prayer.

Each new difficulty in life presents opportunity for growth in the knowledge of our Father’s heart and in talking with Him in prayer. The recent situations I faced were no exception. As He led me to Philippians 4:6 several months ago, two words from that verse realigned my prayers over the issues I was facing.  Actually it was only one word, the word “with“.

Effective praying is not just telling God our needs and then remembering to be thankful.  Giving thanks and petitioning are entwined in a single focus on God. Petition and thanksgiving come together as need meets assurance. Petitions are made… with thanksgiving, as the heart seeks comfort from a faithful, loving Father. Jesus set the example as He often expressed thanksgiving in His own prayers to the Father.

Giving thanks, while seeking God’s help through petitions, is an act of worship.  If I am asking my Father for something with a heart of thanksgiving, I am acknowledging that He will hear my prayers, will do what is best for me and will always respond with a loving redemptive plan. If my petitions are not joined with thanksgiving, I am not allowing my heart to expect the best from God. The “if’s , maybe’s, could you’s, and sure am hoping’s” become more evident in petitions that don’t flow with thanksgiving. To be thankful while petitioning is also an act of faith and trust in the goodness of God. Doubt and disbelief are eliminated when thanksgiving and petitions are offered together.

There are dark times when petitioning is done with anguish and tears, and it just doesn’t feel like a time to be thankful. You can’t even pretend to be thankful. I have experienced those times. It took the power of the Holy Spirit working in me to muster a simple “thank you Father for your goodness, even in this stressful situation” when recent unforeseen events encroached upon my life. On a deeper level I’ve heard and read testimonies of Christians who have lost loved ones or suffered unbearable hardship and pain, but were able to lift thanksgiving/worship in anticipation of God’s goodness, comfort and blessings… yet to be revealed. Despite those painful times, the Holy Spirit is able to lift our hearts with thanksgiving. The key is faith in God’s goodness and, asking to be thankful, as we realize in times of desperation we sometimes aren’t able to offer thanksgiving. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, thanksgiving begins to rise from our hearts and our focus is lifted up to our Faithful Father.

It pleases the Lord for us to come to Him with confidence in His love. I will never fully understand why the Lord does what He does or how He answers my prayers. But I can always be assured His love will be the motive behind His every plan and action.

Ephesians 5:20 Amplified Bible (AMP) ²⁰ At all times and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 New International Version (NIV) ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances;for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 American Standard Version (ASV)¹⁶ Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, ¹⁷ comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.

Colossians 1:11-12 Amplified Bible (AMP)¹¹ [We pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of His glory, [to exercise] every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy,¹² Giving thanks to the Father, Who has qualified and made us fit to share the portion which is the inheritance of the saints (God’s holy people) in the Light.

Connecting, with love

Donna

Anchor and Umpire

Over the last few weeks I have cried tears of joy…. and tears of sorrow.

During the last weekend in January I was blessed to watch another grandchild enter this world. You would think that after the other two births I would know what to expect and not be so utterly overcome by the emotions of awe, love and joy. Not so! It happened again just like it did  the other two times. Waves of tears, laughter, praise and words of aaahhh’s and ooohhh’s kept flowing from within me. My job during labor and delivery is to help my son-in-love (heard that term from a friend and I like it a lot better than son-in-law).  He in turn devotes himself to attending to his wife, my daughter. I fetch his snacks and coffee, text updates to the rest of the family and friends, take memory-making photos and pray. This loving couple place their focus intently on the task before them. Their unity and support of each other is precious to behold. I am so thankful they allow me to witness the births of their babies. Who can ever fully explain the marvel of a newborn baby drawing his first breath of air and flexing his lungs with hardy cries! With tears of joy it is so easy to praise the Lord and release words of thankfulness in prayers to Him.

Then came the tears of sorrow. Due to circumstances, unexpected and from another area of life, confusion and turmoil manifested. I again felt emotions flow from deep inside of me, but this time the tears were mingled with fear, worry, anxiety, and discouragement. It was harder to kneel before the Lord with thanksgiving and praise. It was difficult to find that place of rest in Him, His peace. But as I ran to Him, thanking Him for His love and trusting Him to bless me through this dilemma, He lovingly and patiently taught me how to deal with my problem and gave me two very precious verses to encourage me. Blessings came in the form of hope and peace as His grace made my path straight again.

I am a visual learner so I love word pictures that teach a principle. Both of the verses  the Lord revealed to me use a specific word to elaborate the truth.

Hebrews 6:17-20 New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised,he confirmed it with an oath.¹⁸ God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.¹⁹ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,²⁰ where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.

An anchor “holds something else secure; gives stability or security”.  In the verse above, hope is the anchor for the soul. Not just hope in general, like being positive or optimistic. It is hope in God, His truthfulness, His faithfulness, and the fact that He is a promise keeper. What He says He will do… will be done. Whenever trouble comes, it is our hope in Him that anchors us. The waves of life don’t have to sweep us into the rocks of the shoreline. I found it interesting as I looked for images of anchors to discover that many anchors have a cross in the center of their design. The work Jesus did at the cross provided us with the ability to approach our Heavenly Father with confidence, to go through the veil of the Holy of Holies, meeting Him, receiving the fullness of our inheritance in Him, and finding our security through His promises that He has the power, desire and ability to accomplish.

Colossians 3:15 Amplified Bible (AMP)

 

¹⁵ And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]

This verse really got my attention when the Amplified translation interpreted  ” let the peace from Christ rule” as like an umpire.  An umpire is “a person chosen to render a decision in a dispute; an official who administers the rules”.  The Peace of Jesus Christ, who is the Prince of Peace, is the umpire of our hearts, continually ruling out the thoughts that do not line up with the Father’s heart and purposes for our lives. The enemy, the world and our own minds can speak into our lives untruthful words of hopelessness, despair, faithlessness, and words lacking in love. We are all tempted when turmoil enters to allow these destructive thoughts to take seed in our hearts.  If we do, the harvest is fruitlessness and defeat. When I yielded to the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, His Peace lovingly pointed out the untruths that I was allowing to germinate within me. He knew those thoughts would prevent me from being in the blessing of God’s game plan for that difficult situation. The analogy grows weak as I compare Jesus Christ to a real life umpire. Jesus is not the demanding, dictatorial force that would insist on getting the final word in His ruling. No, the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ stands ready with His wisdom and love, waiting on us to seek His way and yield to His work in us. I  see Him as that consistent Reminder saying, “this is the way, walk in it”.  So, this turmoil became another opportunity to praise and give thanksgiving to God even in the midst of it. He calmed the storm within me, giving me His Peace.  Then I could live with hope in Him, waiting and expecting Him to calm the storm around me as well.

Philippians 4 New King James Version (NKJV) 

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!⁵ Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. ⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Connecting, with love

Donna

New Grandson!

8-lb 9-oz

20 inches

healthy

adorable

loved

We are very thankful to God for this wonderful gift of life for our family!

Still need time with family during the next few weeks. Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers.

Connecting, with love

One happy Nana-Donna

Taking a break

I’m thrilled to write we are almost ready for the arrival of our third grandchild! The next few weeks before delivery, and definitely the weeks after our baby boy is born, are sure to be quite busy.

Knowing my time will be filled with helping our daughter and her family, I decided it would be a good time to take a short break from blogging.

I would appreciate your prayers for our family as we anticipate this joyous event. See you later in February.

Connecting, with love

Donna

Words -written and spoken

Vocalizing my thoughts has always been my favorite way to communicate. When I receive a phone call from family or friends, or I am surrounded by loved ones in a nice quiet setting, words will flow out of my mouth like water from a fountain…just ask my family 🙂 I love to see someone’s face during a one-on-one exchange of thoughts. I give others that same ample opportunity to observe me 🙂 My husband says I use my hands so much when I talk that if I sat on my hands, words would stop coming out of my mouth. I gesture with animated body language, and use facial expressions to convey my thoughts. I appreciate the added advantage of  listening to the tones of spoken words and the emotions that are detected just by hearing and watching.

Because I am more comfortable talking, writing isn’t usually my first choice to express my heart. However, early last year I started feeling this unusual compelling to write what the Lord was teaching me.  So, here I am, six months into writing this blog! Who would have thought? 🙂 I know it was the Lord stirring my heart to write. He affirmed this new way (for me) to communicate, by His Word, and through some encouragement from a dear mentor. The Holy Spirit started giving me impressions, affirming them with His Word, and then guiding the develop of those thoughts with instruction and correction. If I don’t hear a message from Him, I have nothing to write. I have always loved reading and am inspired by the talents of those able to craft a new thought or explain something with innovative skills in written form. It usually is a struggle for me to find words to write, to arrange them in a way that expresses my heart accurately, and to arrange them correctly. If the Lord had not given me the message, the drive and the courage to do so, there would not be a Salt Cinnamon and Love blog.

Spaghetti (Photo credit: avatar-1)

In saying all that, I am discovering a deep appreciation for writing out thoughts, as I have benefited by it. Writing has become a way to release words and thoughts trapped inside of me like a plate of spaghetti pasta.  When spoken, these jumbled thoughts may straighten up for a period of time, but can often revert back to a jumbled state. The more I write, the more these thoughts untangle themselves. There is something about seeing thoughts in black fonts on a white screen that causes them to line up with greater clarity and become more entrenched within me. I can say “hmmmmm” if I don’t know what to say, but I sure can’t use it when writing. It is either there or it isn’t. It is my prayer that as I write, others will also have more clarity about our Heavenly Father’s heart, a deeper yearning for Jesus, and a greater awareness for the necessity of depending on His Holy Spirit.

Spaghetti (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

However, I believe the Lord has also led me to write this blog for another reason. I have gained access to the world of other bloggers. It is a privilege for me to follow some inspiring blog sites.

There is so much diversity. I read about God’s grace, redemptive power and love from those who have won the battle against abuse, addiction, cancer, infertility, diseases, abortion, bad relationships and abandonment. I see God given creativity implanted into those who use written words for prose or poetry, who capture beauty with photography or artwork,  and who cook, sew and design with talented expression.

There are those who hear from the Lord in prophetic ways and can usher forth a word to encourage, warn or edify. There are gifted teachers, able to research and document accurately, offering lessons that generate a deeper understanding of God. There are those still struggling, yet willing to be vulnerable and honest, describing their battles as they press on toward victory. Life experiences are described with humor, reality and wit. There are trail blazers who establish a new work or challenge others in new endeavors.

World wide, I see a greater picture of the true bride of Christ, His body, His church, His people. There is so much to appreciate about this bigger concept of who we are in Christ. There is so much more to God than what one would learn in a singular mainstream denomination. There is so more to experience within the wholeness of His Body world-wide, than what one would experience solely relating within familiar surroundings. There is more about praying than just praying for what we see and know, when the needs and struggles of others, we don’t know, are expressed. There is larger burden for the advancement of God’s Kingdom when indifference and unbelief are revealed. There is more to rejoice about with the countless testimonies of faith and overcoming victory through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is magnified by the many words of praise, spoken, sung, signed and written.

I express great gratitude to all of you whose blogs inspire and edify me. May the Lord be glorified by our voices and words!

1 Peter 5:12 Amplified Bible (AMP) By Silvanus, a true (loyal, consistent, incorruptible) brother, as I consider him, I have written briefly to you, to counsel and urge and stimulate [you] and to declare [to you] that this is the true [account of the] grace (the undeserved favor) of God. Be steadfast and persevere in it.

Connecting, with love

Donna

Joy in the journey

Psalm 84:5 Amplified Bible (AMP)Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

2012 is quickly becoming another year for the history books. As 2013 rounds the corner, it comes with pressing issues, wrapped in uncertainty and confusion.

One morning, while I was reflecting on the approaching New Year, the Holy Spirit drew my attention to Psalm 84, especially verses 2 and 5. The later part of verse 5 states…whose heart are highways to Zion. From other translations this phrase reads: whose heart is set on pilgrimage; pilgrimage is in their hearts; their hearts are on the road that leads to You. 

From generation to generation, there is one common element within every man, woman and child. We are all created to be pilgrims.  Internally we naturally press on, toward what supernaturally draws us. Our pilgrim hearts yearn for, and realize a need for “that Someone”.  God has fashioned each of us with internal spiritual roads, or highways within our hearts. Those highways, by His design lead us to Him. Just as a sunflower is drawn to the sun, there is an inner desire to seek God.

Psalms 84:2 Amplified Bible – My soul yearns, yes, even pines and is homesick for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out and sing for joy to the living God. 

The enemy, and that of the world and self that would cooperate with his scheming, can cause us to be detoured off  those God designed heart highways. It doesn’t take much to see broken lives, roaming and seeking for what they can’t find…peace. Misconceptions caused by abuse and suffering can foster unbelief in God, His Son Jesus, and His Holy Spirit. Stress and anger quench that natural yearning for God.

Even if past life has been one setback after another, Jesus came to restore us and relight the path or highway of our hearts.  God continues to call us to Himself, and Jesus provides the way to Him. It is only through this journey to God that we are made whole and complete. When our life’s journey is encompassed by Him, we can expect blessings with each new year, even uncertain and confusing years. We can look forward to overcoming the trials and troubles of life, by abiding in and depending on His Spirit.

John 8: 12 Amplified Bible
Once more Jesus addressed the crowd. He said, I am the Light of the world. He who follows Me will not be walking in the dark, but will have the Light which is Life.

His Spirit is as a covered bridge over difficult passages for our pilgrimage. He guides us through the difficult times with His protection, wisdom and power. God’s word is a light unto our path. His love letter to us, the Bible, is our road map for this pilgrimage. There is joy to anticipate as time continues its swift passage. Whatever may come, God has prepared a way to Him, for our blessings, and His glory. May we pursue Him and thus truly mean it when we say “Happy New Year”!

Psalm 84:5 (NKJV) states – Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, Whose heart is set on pilgrimage. 

 Michael Card – Joy In The Journey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khrxWs05JSY

Connecting, with love

Donna

Merry Christmas!

Sharing this wonderful poem with you….praising God for the gift of His Son and the joy of His kingdom.

 

Emmanuel – God With Us is God For Us  By M.Y. Lee

God of every nation and people,
From the beginning of Creation
You have made known your love
Through the gift of your Son
Who bears the name Emmanuel, “God with Us.”

In the fullness of time the Christ-child came
To be the Good News to all humankind.

Emmanuel, God lives with us as one of us;
Christ, the Word made flesh
Has come to us as a vulnerable,
Weak and dependent babe;
A God who hungered and thirsted,
And longed for human touch and affection;
A God who chose to be born
In obscurity and shame,
To a virgin, an unwed maiden,
With a dirty stable as a home
And a borrowed manger as a bed,
In a tiny, insignificant town called Bethlehem.

Oh, Mighty God, of humble origins,
Christ, the Messiah, whom the prophets foretold,
You were born at a time, and in a place
Where few welcomed you
Or even recognized you.

Have we, too, lost a sense of joy and anticipation
In what the Christ-child may bring?
Have we been preoccupied with endless activities,
Distracted by the tinsel, decorations, and gifts—
Busy preparing for the birthday of Christ;
So busy that there’s no room in our cluttered lives
To welcome Him when he comes?

God, grant us the grace to be patient and vigilant
In watching, waiting, and listening attentively.
So that we won’t miss Christ
When he comes knocking at our door.
Remove whatever hinders us from receiving
The gifts which the Savior brings—
Joy, peace, justice, mercy, love …
These are the gifts we are to share
With the downtrodden, the oppressed,
The outcasts, the weak, and the defenseless.

Christ, you are the hope of all peoples,
The wisdom who teaches and guides us,
The wonderful Counselor who encourages and consoles,
The Prince of Peace who calms our troubled minds
And restless spirits—
Granting us true inner peace.

Christ, you who are the radiant dawn,
Shine on those who live in darkness and in shadows,
Dispel fears, anxieties, and insecurities,
Restore hearts that have grown cold and distant,
Enlighten minds which have become darkened
Through greed, anger, hatred and bitterness.

We remember those who are living in shadows of a marginal existence,
We pray for the homeless, jobless and retrenched,
Those struggling to keep their lives together,
We lift up families, especially the children
Who may not experience
The joy of Christmas celebrations this season.

We pray for those living alone,
The widowed, the orphans, the elderly,
The sick and bedridden, the migrant workers
For whom the Christ-event may hold no special significance.
As happens with most festive seasons,
May it not deepen their sense of abandonment and alienation.

Christ, You who are the Light of the World,
Help us to radiate the warmth of your presence.
Enable us to give of ourselves generously and compassionately
In bringing joy, peace, and hope to others.

As we wait for the dawn
Of the coming of the Christ-child,
We do so with anticipation
Of new and unexpected challenges.
Like Mary, we sense the birth pangs of a new era,
A new kingdom waiting to be born.

May we, like Mary, be filled with courage,
Openness, and receptivity
To be the bearers of the Christ-child
In receiving and bringing forth the Good News
As we continue to be witnesses
Of God’s truth and justice,
As we walk along the path of peace,
As we are strengthened in our love for Christ
And for each other.

In the words of Isaiah:
“Arise, shine, for your light has come.
The glory of the LORD has risen upon you.
Even though darkness shall cover the earth
And over its people,
Yet the LORD will be your everlasting light.”

Amen.

By M.Y. Lee

Merry Christmas to all the new friends I’ve discovered

through blogging!

Connecting, with love

Donna

Hope and Deliverance

December 16, 2012 Huffington Post

‘I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother’: A Mom’s Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America

Posted: 12/16/2012 9:15 am EST  |  Updated: 12/16/2012 2:34 pm EST

Written by Liza Long, republished from The Blue Review

Friday’s horrific national tragedy — the murder of 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut — has ignited a new discussion on violence in America. In kitchens and coffee shops across the country, we tearfully debate the many faces of violence in America: gun culture, media violence, lack of mental health services, overt and covert wars abroad, religion, politics and the way we raise our children. Liza Long, a writer based in Boise, says it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

While every family’s story of mental illness is different, and we may never know the whole of the Lanza’s story, tales like this one need to be heard — and families who live them deserve our help.

Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”

“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”

“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan — they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he’s in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He’s in a good mood most of the time. But when he’s not, watch out. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off.

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30-1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, “Look, Mom, I’m really sorry. Can I have video games back today?”

“No way,” I told him. “You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.”

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.”

That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.
“Where are you taking me?” he said, suddenly worried. “Where are we going?”

“You know where we are going,” I replied.

“No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re sending me straight to hell!”

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waiving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. “Call the police,” I said. “Hurry.”

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer.
The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork — “Were there any difficulties with… at what age did your child… were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have…”

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You’ll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

For days, my son insisted that I was lying — that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.”

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises for years. I don’t believe them anymore.

On the intake form, under the question, “What are your expectations for treatment?” I wrote, “I need help.”

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am James Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

When I asked my son’s social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail,” he said. “That’s the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges.”

I don’t believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise — in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population.

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill — Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation’s largest treatment centers in 2011.

No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”

I agree that something must be done. It’s time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That’s the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.

(Originally published at The Anarchist Soccer Mom.)

 I am Adam Lanza’s mother

I have a dear friend, who has a God-given gift of expressing His truths with the clarity of a ringing bell.  Sherri has given me permission to use her thoughts about this article:

I admit that I’m in a very reflective mood this afternoon. If you choose to read the article above, I have some thoughts to the last line. The mother admits she needs God’s help. How does God help today?

He either helps directly apart from us for His sovereign purposes, or He works through you and me. Generally, I believe He desires to work through you and me.

 

As I read this article I couldn’t help but think about the much needed deliverance in all of these young men. How we need to be available…and how needy is our society to SEE the power of God and NOT just the power of Satan. Without seeing the power of God, it leaves them with only the power of self-determination to survive (unless they know Christ personally).  I wonder what would happen if someone had offered to pray for deliverance if there might not have been a different ending in these cases…maybe not. People must be willing to receive help, but it seems like this is a mother who was ASKING for help from the only source she thought was available. Is this not an indictment against Christianity…form without power? 

 

God help us to be full of compassionate…and may Your restorative power be revealed in this ever-increasing darkness for YOUR glory and fame. Sherri D.

On this week before Christmas, as the internet and the world are filled with anguish and confusion over the tragic loss of life in Connecticut, I present another change that Jesus offers to us all. While He offers this change for us, it is not a change for Him. When He walked this earth as man, everyone who came to Him for help received it. He never turned anyone away and no illness, mental or physical, was ever too difficult for Him to heal. He gave hope and He gave deliverance from the demons that plague minds and bodies. He still offers this hope and deliverance today. However, we have to believe He is still able and still willing. When asked by a needy man, Jesus expressed His heart….I am willing. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. The first step to receive this deliverance is  faith in what He gave us through the work of  His cross, trusting in the power of His Name and in His Blood.

I continue to learn more about healing, and can honestly say, I don’t understand how this manifests on a consistent basis. But I do know it is wise to seek Him in the midst of troubles, tragedies and trials. It is worth it.

Luke 4:18  New King James Version
“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

Connecting, with love

Donna

Altogether Lovely

The greatest change that Jesus brought to this world is the presence of  Himself, and what He offers to every man, woman and child.  Only through His Holy Spirit are we able to comprehend just how lovely, how beautiful He is. The  magnitude of His glory and loveliness is expressed through His revealed names found in scripture. I want to share a few of His marvelous names. The quotes are from a devotional entitled The Wonderful Names of Our Wonderful Lord by Charles E. Hurlburt and T.C. Horton, a classic that has been in print for nearly a century.

I recently visited a glass blower’s shop and was fascinated by the lovely glass work. I’m including photos of the glass art in this post. As the glass blower demonstrated his work, I saw an analogy to the beauty that can come from us through the beauty of Jesus within us, as we walk in the power of His names.

Altogether Lovely

His mouth is most sweet: yea He is altogether lovely. Song of Solomon 5:16

Every earthly joy will pall,

Every earthly friend will fall.

Only Christ is to the end

“Altogether Lovely,” Friend.

Do you see His wondrous face?

Full of glory, love and grace?

Look, and all thy need confess,

Worship His pure Holiness.

The Brightness of His Glory

Who being the brightness of His Glory  Hebrews 1:3

Do you want to visualize the glory of God? Then gaze upon Jesus Christ. When we see Him, we see God, for He is God. Oh, the marvel of the Godhead! …

A Sweet-Smelling Savor

And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself…for a sweet-smelling savor. Ephesians 5:2

When Christ laid down His life on the cross what a perfume went up to God – the perfume from the sacrifice of His Son! Has the perfume of the cross yet reached you? It reached heaven. Has the love of God, as manifested in the sacrifice of His Son, mastered you? Our Father, forgive us that we have been so unmindful of the wonders of Thy love. May its perfume pervade our lives, and through us, the lives of others. Amen.

The Unspeakable Gift

Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15 (ASV)

…There was no treasure which God could give comparable to the gift of His Son, and “Having given us His Son, will He not with Him freely give us all things?”  How could it be possible that the Father would give to sinners the Son of His Love?  How we ought to love Him! Is there anything we have or are that we would withhold from Him? Loving Lord, help us to sense in a new way what it means for us to possess Thee, the unspeakable Gift. Amen,

May Jesus, and all that His names represent about Him, be fresh in our hearts for the days ahead. I hope and pray you and your family are blessed this Christmas season with awe for the beauty of Jesus.

Connecting, with love

Donna

Balance and beauty

On June 15, 2012, Nik Wallenda became the first person to cross Niagara Falls on a high wire. He walked over the massive cascade of water from the United States to the Canadian side.

Step by step he moved above the falls, while beneath him, nearly 5.7 million liters of water rushed powerfully over a 200 foot drop each second. He took a little under 30 minutes to traverse the 1800 foot distance over the falls. Wind and mist pounded him from all sides.  Even though he was required to wear a safety tether, he didn’t have to use it…

…because while accomplishing this feat, he relied heavily on the balancing pole he carried, which was harnessed around his shoulders.

 During this Christmas season, I was led to explore fresh insights about Jesus and the changes His life produced. While meditating before the Lord, I suddenly started thinking about Nik Wallenda’s walk across Niagara.  I waited to see if it was a passing thought generated by my random mind, a distraction, or the Lord showing me something. I realized quickly the Holy Spirit was giving me a visual lesson about one of the changes Jesus has provided to believers, who are willing to accept it. Jesus didn’t just come to live among us, He came bringing changes that bless our lives. The larger concepts of salvation, justification, redemption and deliverance are all changes for our blessing, but I want to focus on a change I call balance.

The Niagara Falls of life are always potentially ahead, for each of us. We walk through our days with countless decisions to make… what, when where, or who. Our overall well-being (which includes relationships, health, finances, maturity,  safety, stability, comfort, security, happiness) lies before us like a tight rope. If we lose the balance, we tumble off that tight rope of harmony and peace, and into the turmoil. One careless move can cause pain and suffering within a blink of eye; one misguided decision can send us into debt or destroy a relationship. Some have developed skills to keep up the balance of life themselves. With much concentration, they take one step at a time on that high wire, using the balancing poles of education, common sense, fame, wealth, resourcefulness, creativity, or just plain bull-dog tenacity, all of which can be valuable in varying degrees. 

Seemingly, this skilled high wire act appears to do well, until eventually a gust of life’s winds or the fog of life’s mist attack their balance. During these pressing conditions, it becomes obvious the balancing pole being used is not enough for the completion of this journey over tumultuous falls. Education will eventually reach a peak. Common sense will get tripped up by inexperience. Fame and wealth fade away. Resourcefulness and creativity hit blank walls and discouragement, and that bull-dog tenacity becomes weary and unfocused.

When Jesus came to fulfill God’s love for humanity, God gave us the greatest gift, Himself. Jesus made a way, through His Spirit within us, for us to access His unlimited abilities, and we gain a supernatural balancing pole. We have every skill needed to live balanced lives, through His power working in us, to walk over the turmoil and even to experience the beauty of life despite the troubles. I imagine Nik Wallenda had an amazing view of the beauty of Niagara.  God’s work is always beautiful, whether it is His creative work, like the physical beauty Niagara Falls, or through His creative work within us spiritually.

Matthew 1:21 Amplified Bible (AMP)

²¹ She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus [the Greek form of the Hebrew Joshua, which means Savior], for He will save His people from their sins [that is, prevent them from failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God].

Nik Wallenda did not start across Niagara without a balancing pole and then suddenly realize he needed it. That is why he didn’t have to use the safety tether to prevent him from falling. He assessed his inability to walk that high wire without the pole before he ever stepped on it, and he totally relied on the balancing pole the entire way. Consistent peace in life comes when we prepare our hearts to realize our need for Jesus, and our willingness to depend on, and receive the blessing of balance through Him.  It isn’t about waiting until all our resources are proven inadequate, it is starting the walk across life’s traps and pitfalls, knowing it can only be accomplished by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 11:28-30 Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.

³⁰ For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.

Many of us have experienced a tumble off life’s high wire. I know I’ve gotten wet many times, as I dangled above life threatening waters, saved by His grace alone. Had it not been for the safety tether of God’s saving, sustaining grace, I would have fallen completely into the turmoil, never to have recovered. But, praise God  He loves us and watches over us in such a way that He is able to rescue us from the foolishness of not relying on Jesus to balance our lives.

Galatians 5:25 Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁵ If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit we have our life in God, let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.]

My heart yearns to live a life patterned after Nik Wallenda’s balancing ability, entrusting my life to the balance provided by Jesus, not needing to be rescued from the waters of despair, because He helps me walk over them.

John 16:33 Amplified Bible (AMP)

³³ I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Connecting, with love

Donna